Crushed by Christian Trials

It’s been four and a half years for me now. I’ve been going through heavy deliverance.
Sometimes the pain is just absolutely unbearable. I feel as though something is trying to get inside me. I feel this heavinesss over my head and heart.   It feels like the enemy is doing everything it can to invade me.  I hear two sets of voices.  Belonging to two separate evil spirits.  I just put on confidence and trust in God.  Sometimes the enemy tries to afflict me in a very specific way and God stops them.   If God wasn’t there for me at all times I would be in so much trouble.  My enemies are big. But Father god and Jesus are so much bigger.  It’s as if they let me experience the attacks only to show their power over my enemies.

Growing roots

In The last four and a half years I’ve learned to trust God in all things.  I mean on a moment to moment basis I trust God to come through for me.   I have no power of my own to attack the enemy.  I am in spiritual warfare.   Everything I have comes from God.   He is my victory.  He is my strength.  I cast all my troubles on him.
I still suffer. I mean I really suffer horribly. Almost past what I can handle.  But my beloved God takes me through the trials day by day.   I trust him to see me through. One day my crowning prayer will be heard and I will go forward in victory. I just can’t wait.  Until then my mind and body are a battle field.  The enemy is strong but Father God and Jesus are so much stronger.  They can just end my enemies at any time.  I’m not completely sure why they don’t.   I think maybe I’m supposed to help others with their deliverance.  I think maybe I’m given these heavy trials to help me learn to trust God.  Maybe I’m simply supposed to glorify God and make him proud.   I constantly pray that I make him proud. I pray that I can walk the path he has for me.   The word says “It’s a faithful saying that if you die with him you will live with him. If you suffer with him you will reign with him.”  Maybe through my suffering I’m being blessed eternally.  It’s my hope that God has it all figured out for me and I am his beautiful and faithful servant.

Suffering for God

The word says that we will suffer trials and afflictions  “Through many trials will we enter the kingdom of heaven.”, “Beloved think it not strange the fiery trials which are to try you, as if something strange has come upon you but rejoice for you are sharing in the suffering of Jesus”.

So here I am, suffering.  It hurts. It’s perplexing.  But I can’t despair.  There’s no place for despair in spiritual warfare.   There is only marching forward.   The enemy tries to destroy my confidence.  But my God is worthy of my confidence.  The word says “Endure hardness as a good soldier knowing that he that warreth does not entangle himself with the thing of this world but chooses to please the one that chose him.” It also says “We war not against flesh and blood but against principalities, powers wicked rulers and evil spirits in high places.”  We Christians are in a war. Some of us might feel the war more than others.  But there is no doubt that we are in a war against evil.  I have to believe that God has a plan for me.  That maybe I can try to be one of his soldiers.  To me it would be a high calling to be his soldier, his child, his friend.   I push forward to the high mark of his calling.  I pray he can use me to deliver others.  I want to help my brethren.   I want to please My God.  I want all of this suffering to make sense.   I don’t back down.. I never surrender.  I fight with all my heart mind and soul.  Use me Jesus!